just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
