Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
