Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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