Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
