I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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