she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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