if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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