Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
