Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
