Little spoons don't ask big questions
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's never too late to be topless.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
