the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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