tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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