i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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