In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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