Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
