U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
