mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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