just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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