I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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