Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
