Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
