genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
