i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize