It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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