so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All the doctor said was why
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
