Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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