She went from zero to smokin in five shots
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
