you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
