end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
