I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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