I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
