WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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