everyone is single if you try hard enough
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
