Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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