Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
