Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I looked at my own cervix.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
