i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
