I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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