dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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