Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
