i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
