I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
