I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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