I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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