walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
