You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
