vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
