Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
