I cockslap morals
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
