i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
