Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we made out on top of his cat.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
