Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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