Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dignity is for republicans.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
