how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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