What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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