Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
