Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
