i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
