You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
