Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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