Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
