As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
