The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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