YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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