I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
They have beer where we have blood.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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