i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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