I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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