I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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