it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
